


Prelude (Solavellan Hell Art Challenge)

by DeaTenebrae



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: #SolavellanHellArtChallenge2020, F/M, Fluff, Solavellan Hell
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-15
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:40:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23671714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeaTenebrae/pseuds/DeaTenebrae
Summary: Chapter 1: Day 2 of the Solavellan Hell Art Challenge - Lavellan asks about the pendant.Chapter 2: Day 5 of the Solavellan Hell Art Challenge - Lavellan and Solas stroll through Skyhold.Chapter 3: Day 6 of the Solavellan Hell Art Challenge - Their stroll continues to the rotundra and further.Chapter 4: Day 7 of the Solavellan Hell Art Challenge - The fade kiss, Lavellan POVChapter 5: Day 8 of the Solavellan Hell Art Challenge - The fade kiss, Solas POV
Relationships: Female Lavellan/Solas, Fen'Harel | Solas/Female Lavellan, Lavellan & Solas, Solas & Original Female Character(s), Solas (Dragon Age)/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 13
Collections: Solavellan Hell Art Challenge 2020





	1. The Wolf-Mandible

**Author's Note:**

> I tried :-)  
> never did anything like this challenge!  
> I hope you enjoy

Fen’an had grown up with a pack of wolves -- so she knew from the first look -- it was the jawbone of a wolf, complete with teeth, that was hanging around the neck of Solas, the apostate elf that mended the mark she had been branded with at the events of the Conclave. She had not noticed it at first, but since it had dangled in front of her eyes, when he found and shielded her from the raging blizzard after the fall of Haven, she wanted to ask. This was neither trinket nor trophy, it had to mean  _ something _ . When she asked him about it, he just confirmed what it was but gave -- untypically for him -- no other explanation. This reaction alone fired her curiosity even more. Solas usually loved to talk about anything -- when she asked his opinion, it often ended in listening to fantastic stories about the fade or events he had observed there, to more questions and even longer explanations. Whole evenings had passed this way at Haven. 

Most of the time he had his emotions in check around her, since he knew she was able to read them. This time her question seemed to hit a sore spot -- she felt a wave of surprise, reluctance and uneasy concern from him, which was an odd reaction to a question about some pendant, even if it was of importance to him personally. Teasingly she smiled at him as if she would not let go of the question, just looked into his eyes and allowed herself once more to let herself fall into those endless grey skies she saw within them. Those eyes, she could drown in. She had been told that a stare of hers could be quite inquisitive, most people could not hold it for long -- Solas was not one of those people. He did not want to answer and she accepted that. Still she let the question linger in her gaze as he stumbingly moved on, changing the subject. The relief was clearly visible in his features when she let him guide the conversation to their new home -- Skyhold. 

Skyhold was a castle, bigger than she could have ever imagined. There were walls everywhere she looked, which was usually something she could not stand in any way. Having grown up in the forest with nothing but aravels to sleep, stone walls made her feel imprisoned most of the times. But Skyhold was different. It's old stoneworks somehow felt warm, welcoming and protective, as if it really wanted to be that -- a home. 

  
  
  
  



	2. Skyhold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the first part of the Skyhold-Part is in the last paragraph of the last chapter, if you're interested ;-)

“Why Skyhold?” Fen’an asked, “Such names tend to have a deeper meaning than just stating the obvious. Do you know who named it?” Solas chuckled. _The right questions._

“Legends say the place was first called Tarasyl’an Te'las, by the ancient elves. The place where the sky is kept.” he explained. 

“Hmm..” Fen’an let the name go through her mind. “...or held back.” 

Her translation startled him for a moment. She felt the wall around his emotions waver for a second, but it was back up before anything got through to her. “Or held back.” he confirmed reluctantly, starting to walk on, eluding the question that formed in her eyes. A question she would never ask. 

On their stroll through Skyhold Solas mentioned that the roots, the foundations of Skyhold were ancient -- the castle had been seized, occupied, abandoned and rebuilt numerous times. Fen’an was still overwhelmed by the sheer vastness of the place, eyes widened with awe she took in the overgrown stonewalls, the leaves rustling softly in the mild breeze. The restoration works were already underway -- hammers struck metal and stone, saws ripped their teeth through logs, rubble was carted out of the buildings -- the busy song of collaborative progress rang through the air. Fen’an was astonished by the near limitless potential their new home was offering. From time to time, Solas directed her marvelling gaze to one or the other significance of the castle, praising the numerous upsides. A little smile curved his lips as he basked in her amazement. Skyhold finally had an owner that saw its worth and would use its potential well. 

Down in the huge basement -- there was enough space to fit half an army here --, Solas stopped at a wall consisting of different types of stone. “These are the oldest parts of Skyhold. You can sense the magic seeping through the stone, if you are susceptible to it.”. Gently he took her hand and placed it onto the elder part of the wall. “What do you feel?”, he inquired, his head slightly tilted to one side. It felt… different to the other stonework. It _felt_. She placed her second hand onto a newer part to comprehend the the disparity. A warm, tingling sensation streamed up her hand. It gave off a welcoming sense of security, comforting like a mother’s embrace, protecting -- safe. Like a home should be. The image of a marvellous huge tree flashed through her mind, its wide branches casting shadows over a large area, a peaceful image. 

“A tree?” she asked a little confused while Solas’ left eyebrow raised for a brief moment. “Home” she stated, her brows still drawn together in question. 

Skyhold was a place of old and deep-rooted magic, the place where he had cast his fatal spell, the birthplace of the veil -- the place where he had condemned the elves to lose everything they were. That it showed her the image of the tree that once had symbolized peace and truce, the tree that ironically ended up as the war table in the war room above, was remarkable. Skyhold liked its new owner, it wanted her to feel at home. 

“Do the legends say what happened? Can you show me in the fade? I want to know its history” she said brushing her fingers softly against the wall one more time before turning to him. “Sadly, not even the fade can provide an answer, this place has seen too many years and fateful events -- of elves, dwarves and humans, it gets all mixed up.“, he spun a story to avoid the truth. No living soul could ever know of the events that had taken place here. 

Her questioning eyes made him shiver this time -- it was not the question itself, but the answer that had his heart flutter wildly. The memory of his failure, that held him in its grip one moment, while he stared into the mesmerizing colour of her eyes. The golden sun-like coronas on the mossy green background that merged with the colour of the sea on the edges drew his gaze in like a flower attracts a bee -- it calmed his heart right to the point where he realized he was in fact staring into the Inquisitors eyes far too long than appropriate. He cleared his throat and made and inviting gesture to the staircase.

Again he had divulged information, he better should have kept to himself. It was way too easy to talk to the freshly appointed Inquisitor -- and if not that, the last part proved that he was getting unwary in her presence.


	3. Rotundra

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 3: Day 6 of the Solavellan Hell Art Challenge - Their stroll continues to the rotundra and further.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so you challenged me with this topic. So I've decided to let the becoming couple's stroll pass the rotundra. I could not resist to go a little further - I'm not used to write fluff, I did my best.

He was evading the question about Skyhold’s history. It was not easy to read the man in front of her -- being around him was both, refreshing and challenging. Fen’an enjoyed the talks she had with the elder mage. Not only because he was quenching her thirst with answers to almost all of her questions -- about people, their unknown history or his unique experiences in the fade, secrets none other could tell -- but also, because it was easy to be around his calm and focussed mind. He was not as noisy as her other companions -- noisy in an emotional way. The challenging part was, that more than often, she found herself _wanting_ to know what was going on behind those eyes. She was so used to people’s emotions around her, that the lack of them sometimes left her wondering. Was this how normal people felt every day? Wondering what the other party really meant when they talked, what lay behind the words and thoughts? This man was composed as none other, seldomly she succeeded in startling him enough to bring the wall around him to waver and let out the tiniest bit of emotion -- which was about to become a game she enjoyed. 

The only way to read him, was through his eyes. The clouds in the grey skies shifted with his emotions - she had seen them darken in anger and transform throughout the day. Right now the clouds seemed to dissolve, to lighten. In the same moment it struck her -- she was staring again! But also was he. 

She felt the heat rise to her cheeks and a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. With any other man she would have known what this stare meant. It took another moment before he averted his gaze, shaking his head lightly while he cleared his throat and motioned in the direction of the staircase. The smile still on her lips, she moved on to the stairs -- Fen’an had never seen the elf blush before. For her, this counted as a win in her newfound game. 

To get to the battlements, the last part of their tour, they had to pass a circular room, that Solas had chosen for his study. The walls were freshly whitened, faint outlines of a mural were painted on a section of the wall and the smell of limestone and fresh paint gave the room a creative atmosphere. “You’ve been busy here” she observed, lightly tracing her fingers along the outlines of a howling wolf. She missed her pack. “One day it will account for y.. the Inquisitions achievements.” Solas said, while he watched her curiously. “Why wolves, if I may ask? I got the impression the dalish had a... special view of them these days. Yet they are in your name and whenever we hear their howl in the wild, you close your eyes to listen.” 

Fen’an looked him straight in the eye, a fire burning within them. “Wolves are true, they are loyal and wonderful once you get to know them. They would never betray one of their own, they don’t know duplicity -- they are honest creatures. The dalish do them no justice” fire in her voice. She sighed deeply, her tone calmed down “Most dalish condemn them because of mere legends. But I may have a unique view on this -- I grew up calling a whole pack my friends”. Her gaze returned to the wolves on the wall for a second before she turned to the door. “And I miss them...” she added on her way -- a sad smile painted on her lips. Solas was puzzled. He had not heard of any dalish clan that would allow a daughter of theirs anywhere near a wolf -- or a whole pack of them. Not only her view on those animals was unique -- she was. Especially for a soul that young -- a mere child in old times. He could not help but wonder, what an interesting person she would have become in time, without his veil blocking her connection to the fade. 

They left the rotunda and passed the tower that would be Commander Cullens office once the rubble was all cleared out. Fen’an took a deep breath when she stepped outside on the battlements and took in the view of the mountains that surrounded Skyhold. The air was different up in these heights. Where within the forest a dense mixture of different smells were all woven up together, here, the air was light and pure -- the only smell was the one of snow and cold. She liked it though. The view was uniquely beautiful, more than one sight found its way to her memory collection. She missed the forest, but the peaceful landscape outside made up for it. The wind brushed her face and played with her hair while they slowly walked on. Solas was awfully quiet since they got outside. Again, she wished her senses would work on him. The man was a puzzle, but she liked challenges. Some day he would let his guard down, she was not one to press people. Everyone had their own pace and she accepted that, which was the reason she often held back her questions when she felt they went to deep. To break the silence and get the conversation to start up again, she halted at the next tower, leaned onto the battlements and looked out at the fantastic view. “Tell me about one of your journeys to the fade.” she pleaded innocently. He loved talking about his journeys. A knowing smile curved his lips -- he knew exactly what she was doing, but he joined her and began to speak. “The Alamarri crossed the Frostback Mountains to escape a beast they called the Shadow Goddess in their stories.” He paused to look at her. “I met the spirit that they fled. She walks the Fade along the southern tundra, weeping, lonely, and forgotten.” With a wide gesture over the mountains, he continued: “Great Ferelden formed, because a lonely spirit drove her prey away.” Fen’an let the story sink in for a moment. “I bet the shems have forgotten that part of their history. Still seems not to be the kind of spirit I’d like to meet in my dreams.” Solas chuckled, with his teacher-voice he lectured “If you know how to fare with their kind, most spirits pose no real danger.”

“You see so many unique places and events. In my dreams I always observe. Could I.. I mean, could you teach me at least some... control?” 

The question seemed to surprise him, he looked at her very long before answering -- the grey clouds shifted. “You are no dreamer.” he stated in a matter-of-fact way. The disappointment must have shown in her features as she directed her eyes back to the mountains. Gently he touched her arm, as if trying to catch her gaze back. “There are a few tricks I can show you though.” -- and he _winked_ at her, another expression she had never seen him do. She couldn’t have stopped the smile that emerged on her face. The fade was a mystery to her and the key to unlock it stood right beside her. 

“I will… visit your dreams Inquisitor, if that is your wish.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... and we all remember what follows :)


	4. The Fade Kiss - Lavellan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 4: Day 7 of the Solavellan Hell Art Challenge - The fade kiss, Lavellan POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> credit for almost all ingame-dialogue-lines goes to MidnaighteRose  
> for she already wrote that scene beautifully and made my heart weep in her post on challenge day 4: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23668294/chapters/56919958 
> 
> I sat on it for so long, I haven't got the time to read through it so hope you forgive any nonsense in there.

Fen’an was on her way to the rotunda, to talk to Solas -- she was in the mood for one of his stories before retiring for the night. Also she was going to ask about their supposed meeting in the fade, she was excited to see what tricks he would be showing her. 

Grey clouded eyes seemed to await her when she arrived, lips drawn to a welcoming smile. 

“Allright, let us talk… preferably somewhere more interesting than this.” 

The walk through Haven somehow felt strange. Light snow fell in big flakes as she passed the hut she woke in after passing out from closing her first rift, curiously nobody else was to be seen. “Why here?” she asked looking around. 

“Haven is familiar. It will always be important to you." 

"We talked about that already." They had. Haven was the place they had made her the Herald of Andraste -- her, an unknown elf-mage from a far away dalish clan. Solas seemed to think this place had changed her, though she was not so sure if that was true. Maybe it had. She had faced the horror that was Corypheus here, looked him in the eyes, ready to be crushed by the mountain-slide. She did not _feel_ different, but then again, does one really feel such a change within? 

Solas lead her to the cell she had awoken in after the conclave, the endless questions of Leliana and Cassandra rung in her memory -- she had endured the inquisitive stare of her current spymaster, and also earned her first “ _oof_ ” from Cassandra here. The thought of it made her smile, Cassandra’s trademark noises always brought a smile on her face, she couldn't help it. Maybe Haven _was more_ important to her than she gave it credit. But for different reasons. It also was the place of their first talk, his first flirts and stories. The first rift she had ever seen and sealed had been on their way here. What had followed immediately after the rift, she could not remember without blushing all over again. One look into those eyes of his and she had almost forgotten her own name -- or courtesy when it comes to that. She had stared into them for an unseemly long time, losing herself in the depths of them, unconsciously creating a memory for her collection. It was like staring into the an endless grey sky full of clouds -- as if she could look through them into another world. An almost unnoticeable glow around the edges aided the infinite effect. A very awkward situation could have followed, but to her surprise, Solas had proceeded as if nothing unusual had happened. For that, she had been more than thankful. 

Fen’an realized that this place really _was_ important to her, not for Corypheus or the Title, but the people. He had been right all along.

"I sat beside you while you slept, studying the Anchor." Solas gaze returned to her. It was interesting how much emotion seem to swing in his words, maybe this place was not only important to her.

“I’m glad someone was watching over me” Fen’an hoped her blush was concealed by the dark lighting in the room. “But how long can it take to look at a mark on my hand?” she added with a teasing voice and a smile dangling on the corner of her lips. With his best and slightly exaggerated teachers voice, he replied. “A magical mark of unknown origin, tied to a unique breach in the veil? Longer thank you might think. You were a mystery.” The corners of his mouth flashed a tiny smile. “You still are... I ran _every_ test I could imagine, searched the Fade, yet found nothing. Cassandra suspected duplicity, threatened to have me executed as an apostate if I didn't produce results."

A hearty laugh shook Fen’an. "Cassandra's like that with _everyone_." She could see the scene in front of her inner eye. Even Solas had to chuckle at that. “Yes, she is.” 

They got back out of the Chantry. As she looked over the empty village, it was wrong somehow. The people were missing. 

"You were never going to wake up. How could you? A mortal sent physically through the Fade? I was frustrated.. frightened. The spirits I might have consulted had been driven away by the Breach. Although I wished to help, I had no faith in Cassandra… nor she in me. I was ready to flee. 

Her brows furrowed for a moment. "With the Breach threatening the entire world? Where would you have gone?" Fen'an asked with chuckle.

"Someplace far away where I might research a way to repair the Breach before its effects reached me. I never said it was a good plan. I told myself: one more attempt to seal the rifts.” he mimicked her gesture to close the rift. “I tried and failed. No ordinary magic would affect them." he looked at the breach that tore the sky. "I watched the rifts expand and grow.. resigned myself to flee- and then…" 

A memory of their first try to seal a rift flashed through her mind. Solas hand taking hers, somehow activating the anchor and sealing the rift. 

"It seems you hold the key to our salvation. You had sealed it with a gesture… and right then, I felt the whole world change." The way he looked at her at the last part left her wondering what he meant with those words. Her own shameful first stare had happened right after that moment. "Felt the whole world change?" Her mind raced all of a sudden, her senses were of no use, she had no way of knowing what went on behind his walls. Were such situations frustrating for normal people as well? She looked for clues in his eyes, their gazes locked. As if a storm raged within them, the grey clouds were shifting wildly. 

"A figure of speech." Evading again? She felt his walls waver a little but not enough.  
"I'm aware of the metaphor." Reluctantly, Fen'an took a few steps forward, still unsure what to do next. Her heart raced. "I'm more interested in 'felt.'." Solas head tilted slightly and for a moment, his eyes became the whole world.  
"You change… everything.." 

His words changed everything. The world came to a halt -- everything stopped. Fen'an, the expert on emotions, was suddenly overwhelmed by them, as if they had lurked in a corner awaiting their chance. It took another moment to gather herself and fight the rising panic down. Her lungs seemed to burst, before she remembered to breathe. 

This was not mere flirting anymore, else she read something completely wrong. Without her senses she was lost in a situation like this. It seemed she had taken too long, he was already withdrawing from their shared gaze. Before he could turn away, she took a chance and caught his chin, drew him in and placed her lips on his. The kiss felt confusingly wrong as his lips were not responding. She stopped her embarrassing attempt and turned away. She had read him wrong. She hoped this would not compromise their future relation -- a hand on her hips drew her back, there was not even time to wonder before his lips crushed on hers and her stomach began to resemble one of Seras Bee-Jars. Hands on her back held her, pressed against him as if they never wanted to let go. The almost impenetrable walls wavered, crumbled in the kiss and for one sweet moment, she felt it all -- waves of flaming desire reached her. A storm of emotions behind. He wanted this as much as her -- maybe even more, but something stopped him. Was it guilt she felt underneath? It was not easy to concentrate on the feelings he radiated with his seeking tongue and soft lips drawing her attention away. She felt him withdraw again, their lips parting, his walls closing the sweet emotions off. The storm she felt from him before was still raging in his eyes as they looked at each other. He tilted his head a little and shook it slightly as if in unbelieve, while she wished to calm that storm and crush these walls that closed him off now. A smile lit his face and with another little shake of his head he pulled her closer again and their lips joined for another kiss, but this time it was slow and soft not as fiery as the first. She lost her feeling for time, let herself fall into that kiss as if it would never end. But it did -- and all of a sudden. 

"We shouldn't.." he said stepping back so quickly that she almost lost her balance and confusion took over her mind. What was wrong? 

"It isn't right.. Not even here." 

Solas seemed distant and irritated. This man could change faster than the weather in the mountains. He was conflicted somehow, Fen'an repressed the questions rising inside -- she wanted to ask, wanted to help or at least to know what was going on, but they would go far too deep in this situation. Wait. Not even here? Where? In Haven? 

"What do you mean, 'even here?'" A lot more confusion clouded her mind as she looked around and saw the village flicker lightly. 

"Where did you think we were?" 

In this moment it was like a veil lifting from her eyes and mind. Haven had been destroyed, she had thought about her defying Corypheus before and still, it never occurred to her to question the location they were in. 

"We're.. This.. isn't real." 

"That's a matter of debate…" he said with his calm teachers voice.

"Probably best discussed after you _wake up_."

When Fen’an woke, she was a little disoriented in her quarters. Solas words still echoed in her mind. “Wake up!” 

The confusion still had her in its grip. There had been a lot of firsts in this experience. A lot to think about. A first kiss -- her first _real_ kiss. Her first time being able to control herself while dreaming in the fade. Had she been dreaming the whole way to the rotunda? She had been in Haven, how did she not even question walking through the place she had seen being destroyed with her own eyes? The fade was a mystery. Solas was a mystery. She sighed deeply. Why did she have to lose her heart to the most complicated of all her companions? Why not Cullen or one of the others? It would have been easier, knowing what they felt in any moment. No. Not her. She had to choose the one that is silent as a wolf stalking and as fickle as the weather. He was a very good kisser though. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not entirely happy with it but maybe I can improve it some day :)


	5. Day 8 of the Solavellan Hell Art Challenge - The fade kiss, Solas POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have never written anything this intimate, I hope I didn't overdo it ;-)
> 
> Well... let's have a look at Solas' reaction. Have fun!

When he stepped out of the fade, his anger about himself had not calmed -- he was furious. With an irate gesture of his arm the carefully sorted notes and books on his table were thrown throughout the rotunda along with everything else placed there. It was not nearly enough to calm the flames that raged within. Luckily no one was around  the rotunda at this time of night. He had to get out, else he would be throwing fire and ice in here soon enough. How could he let this happen? The memory of their kiss was so fresh he still felt the sensation of her lips on his own. He clenched his hands to fists as he stormed out, only to be greeted by an innocent, starlit sky, that knew nothing of his inner torment. Walking the battlements, he wanted to cry out to it in his frustration, balls of fire and ice danced as he cast them aiming to the brightest of the stars above, lighting the firmament over Skyhold until he remembered that this display of rage could be seen from all around -- and Skyhold did never really sleep.

What was intended as the lesson he thought to give, had warped to a trip down the memory road, stirred emotions he buried deep. All began rather innocently. The dream started for her at Skyhold with the sole task to visit him in the rotunda, to make the transition easier, and to later prove a point. He enjoyed her half-conscious, mostly unaware state as they arrived at Haven. Her mind was not fully awake but due to his presence, she was able to do more than observe as she would in her usual dreams. He wanted to show her some memories to also prove a point - Haven was, different to her claims, an important place to her. They had had a debate about it and he was not about to lay this argument down that easily, for he knew it to be true. Later he would have shown and explained the differences one can perceive to distinguish the fade from the waking world and how to gain awareness and later, control. 

The lesson was never taught. Her eyes, that smile, her kiss -- and his own reaction... It was wrong, not supposed to be. At the end of this path only tragedy awaited, for both of them -- and he would not wish to see her hurt. Despite all his experiences, all the years he had lived, when her lips had hesitantly searched for his and all the possible consequences flooded his mind, he froze. He had his fair share of kisses in his time at court, but hers had been unlike any other. At court a kiss was a tool to gain, persuade or attract attention -- but the Inquisitor would gain nothing out of it, there was no ulterior motive behind. It had been a perfectly innocent move. 

The memory flashed through his mind. 

Only the pain in her eyes as she turned away, the absence of the light that shone so bright just a moment before, had woken him out of his rigid state -- and he found himself not wanting to let her go, despite all the possible consequences. Reasons, causes, restraint and the whole world had crumbled to nothing, when he pulled her into his arms and their lips finally united to the kiss that should have been the first -- none of it mattered. He was intoxicated by velvety lips moving in accord with his, as if dancing to the same inaudible melody, growing more passionate by the second. This was true. This was real. But it wasn’t. It couldn’t. He was going to destroy her world. 

Reluctantly he pulled away. For a moment he studied her face flushing with heat, only to be captivated by the curve of her lips that painted the most beautiful smile on her features, a smile he had never seen before. Eyes shining like a beacon in the night seemed to look directly into the core of his soul, through him, as if she knew of his desires -- and his struggle. Unable to resist any longer, he leaned in for another kiss. One hand rested in the curve of her arching back, when he pulled her into him -- soft and gentle this time, deepening the kiss until it obliterated every thought.  _ This _ . This felt true. This felt right. This felt  _ real _ . And he wanted it. But he could not allow it. 

Solas marched across the battlements trying to get ahold of his thoughts. The sky was forgotten. The light behind her balconies was lit. He would have to apologize for his behaviour. 

He had promised to free the elves, instead they had suffered in his absence, depleted of their own nature -- perverted and degraded to the fast-lived, short-minded mortal aberrations he had woken up to. The dalish held onto their childish legends, too arrogant to listen to anything that diverges, the city elves were all but enslaved, crouching and bowing to mere humans -- Tevinter and the Qun had shackled the rest. This was all that remained of the once so proud race called the Elvhen. It had been easier then. Easier before this mere child had shown him, that there was value in this world. She was  _ real _ . Too real. And if she was, that would mean so was everyone else.

Not the soulless tranquilized people he had seen in them, they were real in their own way -- different, but as real as his own people had been. And if this was true, he’d be the destroyer of yet another world, the demise of yet another elvhen folk. In his attempt to bring back his own, he’d be destroying theirs. There was no other way but to continue on the path he set on long time ago. 

It would be kinder to resist. On his path no mortal could follow -- and how would the Inquisitor feel, once his true identity was revealed, if he gave in to the cravings of his heart? 

Yet the memory of the indescribable sensation of her being so close, the light shining bright within these marvellous eyes and her inescapable, heartstopping smile that brought him right to the edge of a fiery abyss, let his determination dissolve into nothing again and he was back to the start, his mind racing in an endless circle. He did not  _ wish  _ to resist. Yet, he should. He had to. 

When he looked back to the Inquisitor's quarters, he saw a shadow against the nightly sky. The black silhouette was climbing off the roof to the balcony. When he saw her unmistakable shape capturing the light that streamed out of the room behind, he almost threw another fireball. How much of his ravings had she witnessed?

“You have never been loud, Solas, but you are tonight.” A voice, out of a dark corner. Another witness. He sighed. “Cole, I know you want to help, but this --”

“You fight the happiness you desire.” 

“It is not that easy, Cole. Please leave it be.” 

With a side glance to the balconies, Cole vanished. 

“ _But it is.._.” echoed in the nightly air. 

* * *

Fen'an felt like intruding a very personal moment as she watched the mage, far away on the battlements. The unusual display of his conflict gave her hope. Maybe all that was needed, was a little time. She touched her lips, where the memory of the kiss still lingered, laid back and watched the stars.

The roof was her safe haven in Skyhold since her first night. Up here, no one would follow. Up here, she was alone with the sky, could watch the stars twinkle, observe the movements of the firmament and sometimes even catch a glimpse of a falling star. It was peaceful. Only the wind sang it's silent songs. Nothing mattered when she was here. 


	6. Balcony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so this is a little longer as planned. If you're only up for the balcony fluff I advise to turn to PART 2, Part one contains Fen'an's perception of a dragon and a little fun ;-)

## Part one - the dragon

After they slew their first dragon, the Iron Bull could not even hold himself one minute before boasting out in all but a dance of victory, starting to spin the story of the great dragon hunt while the beast was not even dead yet. Fen’an’s features did not show any emotion as she slowly rounded the huge carcass, she said nothing to Bull’s joyous outbreak, her lips only a thin line. When she reached the head, she knelt down and studied every inch of what was the first dragon she had ever encountered. Bull stopped, when he saw her, his face showing compassion -- he knew the Inquisitor did not like killing, or the loss of life as such. 

He must have seen the sadness looming in her eyes, a look all of them had seen too often on her in these past weeks. Her silence held all the way to camp. Fen’an valued life of any kind and as far as he knew, her senses took in something similar to emotions from animals as well -- the dragon must have left an impression. 

Everyone in camp was up about and cheerful, but the Inquisitor was nowhere to be seen. He spotted her a little apart from the camp -- out of reach of the emotions of her companions most likely. He took a note of the distance. Her reach seemed to be a little wider than he had previously anticipated. Fen’an did not look as cheerful as the others -- her face was blank, she sat on the stump of an old tree and stared into the distance. As always she had chosen a place with a view -- from her spot the whole valley underneath, now partly tinted in the light orange colour of the setting sun, was clearly visible. The harsher wind-gusts up here blew her hair wildy around, whipping them to her face more than often, but she did not even flinch -- it was a view so sad and at the same time wildly beautiful. 

Bull came up behind him, resting one of his huge hands on his shoulder -- a habit he did not enjoy. “You want to stare at the Inquisitor, until the light is gone, Solas?” Even called out on it he had no answer. Bull lowered his horned head and continued with a low voice. “You are not as subtle as you think my friend, maybe some of the other don’t see it yet, but the looks you cast on her speak volumes for someone who knows what to look for. She likes you. So go or don’t -- if you want to make a move, now is the time. But be aware that there are other… interested parties.” With that and he turned and went back. The thought that the qunari spy of all people read him that easily annoyed him greatly. Also he knew of at least two “interested parties” one of which was Bull himself, this thought made him grind his teeth. 

It was not that easy. Solas still owed her an answer after that kiss in the fade, so he was not exactly sure if it was wise to approach her in such a vulnerable moment.

The kiss had been reckless, foolish -- a danger to his quest. His plan was to infiltrate the Inquisition, yes. To get close to the people in charge had been the goal all along. But not this close. His plans did not involve a romantic relationship -- nor to get invested like this. Still, one look out of these eyes could make his resolve crumble like it was nothing. When her eyes shone in excitement, the golden suns in their midst illuminated the mossy green around it partly, turning the green to resemble a freshly grown shoot before fading into the darker tone. The outer rings reminded him of the horizon at sea, it was of a deep blue colour the moosy green merged with. Those eyes were one of the reasons he could not just let her go, after her attempt to kiss him. He wanted the light to stay, he needed those eyes to turn back, her to turn back. His own emotions, the impact her lips had on him, had surprised him to such an extend, that his mind seemed to have shut down immediately. The tension, the temptation, the possibilities -- neither could he breathe, nor move -- or kiss her back. Since then she waited for an answer he could not give, not that she had brought it up in any way, but whenever he looked at her it sprung to his mind, leading his thoughts in circles -- again and again. He should not engage, he had duties to his people, but this was all that he wanted for himself. Maybe… 

The sun was on its way to leave the world to the darkness of the night, the wind rushed through the trees, making them dance to its wonderful song, moving the clouds in the sky as if they were in a race. Fen’an loved the tune the winds played wherever she was, but in the mountains it had a certain ring to it -- here more than some places else, with the huge stone pillars changing the sound depending on the direction and force the air blew through them. It was peaceful here and usually the stunning view and soothing sounds would heal her soul, but not today. The last weeks she had seen -- and caused -- her fair share of death, the dragon was just too much. Still she felt its deathcry echoing through her head with all its power, all its incredulity -- the senselessness of its death hurt the deepest. This was a wild, majestic animal, but it differed from all the creatures she had encountered until then. The impression the dragon made on her was something she could not shake, these creatures were more -- what her senses picked up, was not anything like the impressions she got from the usual animal. 

She remembered the moment, when the dragon flew above their heads, turned and went straight towards her, coming nearer and nearer every second, and even from a distance -- she could feel it. Feel its anger and indignation about the intruders in its lair, hate of the pesky little creatures that it couldn’t get rid of, that didn’t leave it alone. There was an intelligence behind it, not only mere instinct, it was anger, hate -- not the usual wild rage or defensive attack of an animal. Fen’an froze in the moment these strange kind of emotions hit her while she stared in the eyes of the nearing dragon, opening its jaws to roar out all of its fury with a power that went through mark and bone. Solas hit the dragon mid-flight, Fen’an could feel its annoyance about the icy-cold spell. The unbelievable sensation woke her out of her rigidness and she evaded the incoming fireball in the last second. The fight was hard and the final strike on this beautiful creature was hers -- the outcry, the pain the dragon sent out was excruciating. She could have blocked it out, the pain; the incomprehension; the moment of realisation -- the moment of death. But when she looked at this creature that she could read so clearly, that called out to her mind from such a far away distance, she could not -- it felt as if she owed it to the dragon. This was also why she used up almost all of her remaining power for that last spell combination, to end its suffering, earning a raised brow from Solas that she did not really notice. She did not listen to Bulls outbreak either as she sadly studied the majestic beauty and all its features -- the vivid colour of its skin, the wings made to roam the skies freely and last its head with the horns that were so similar to Bull’s, just a little more twisted and colourful, the eyes she had stared into, still open but lifeless. 

The sound of stones grinding under moving feet pulled her out of the memory. A gentle hand on her shoulder made her look up and she was surprised to see Solas instead of Dorian, who was prone to such friendly touches, but Solas? He usually asked permission before invading her personal space, which was something she had never really gotten used to. “Your first dragon.” his voice was soft as thunder from a distance -- low, deep and a little worried. 

“Is my mood really that obvious?” she tried to smile, but it didn’t come out the right way. “I am sorry - I didn’t mean to worry you all. It will pass.”

The melancholy in her now almost dark green eyes didn’t suit her usual exuberant personality, he could not help but to find beauty in the purity of it -- she just felt too deep. Her miscarried smile mirrored her eyes. “Dragons are fascinating creatures, unrivaled in their power and complexity.” At the last word one corner of her mouth flinched a little. “It was not fear that made you freeze up there. If I may ask for the true reason?” 

Straight to the point. This time Fen’an could not stop the rising smile -- it was a real one. Solas was not one for smalltalk when it came to something of interest to him. So her little moment of shock had not been overlooked. A sigh escaped her as she looked to the distance again and began to explain. Solas listened fascinated and confirmed what she had witnessed through her senses, dragons were one of the most intelligent and complex creatures that roamed the world it was only fitting that they had more complex emotions. As always he had stories to tell -- of dragons, of mages that turned themself into dragons of people who thought they could harness the power through dragonsblood -- and so the hours went by, as did the melancholy. 

The smell of fire-roasted meat indicated it was time to get back to the others -- Varric most likely shot a ram or something. When they arrived at the fire, Bull and Solas exchanged glances, but she didn’t want to know what was going on between them. The evening ended merrily with the whole group laughing about jokes and stories told, and herself sitting between Bull and Solas, growing more and more confused about Bulls behaviour. She looked to Dorian for help but he just winked with a grin, which confused her even more. The thing was, if Bulls at first subtle advances were not accompanied by conforming emotions, she'd have easily thought it was just a ruse to lure Solas out of his shell -- which was actually working, considering that Solas was not as silent as usual and even told a funny story himself. Well, stories were his thing. By the end of the evening, Sera was already drunk and babbling to herself, Varric found her increasingly uncomfortable situation -- and Bull’s meanwhile more obvious advances -- comical and said something about dogs and bones and having to write this stuff down. 

Bull was an excellent liar, and she hoped it was just that, but if the Hissrad were trained that well she did not want to know the methods they were trained with. When Dorian retired to his tent, she took the opportunity to do the same -- she was actually glad to escape the situation, funny as it was if you took it with humor, she was not used to such things and must have blushed what felt like half of the evening.

##  Part two - balcony

Solas and Fen’an continued their unfinished talk about dragons the next morning on their way to Skyhold. Upon arrival he surprisingly asked, if she had another moment, brought his equipment to the rotunda and accompanied her to her quarters. 

It was a strange walk through the almost deteriorated corridor to the Inquisitors chambers. He was still doubtful if he was doing the right thing, but last night of all showed him one thing. He was a little possessive when it came to her, especially when directly confronted by a male alpha courting for her attention. He actually had to hold himself back, even if he knew that Bull was playing him, but he was right. If he could not stand even the thought of seeing her with another, there was only one way. Fen’an had fought off Bulls avances with wits and jokes or a little bit of sarcasm, but Bull managed to have her blushing at least a quarter of the evening -- increasingly more the later it got and the more alcohol was in play. Solas had to admit that he enjoyed the sight of her blushing face and the accompanying shy smile that only showed for the fraction of a second each time -- and that the whole evening had been kind of fun, even for him. Dorian almost rolled on the floor so hard he was laughing on more than one occasion -- sometimes over one of his own comments. The whole exchange between the group turned into a game -- a jest, and the hours had flown by. The rest of the night he laid awake in his tent, images of Fen’an flew by his inner eye -- he knew he had to decide what to do, Bull had made that pretty clear -- and Bull was not the only rival, only the most open. 

What did Fen’an always say before setting out to the unknown? ‘When, if not now?’ -- her occasional ‘Who, if not us?’ changed  in his mind to ‘Who, if not her?’. When they went up the stairs a nervous feeling bloomed in his chest, doubts tried their way in, but he blocked them out. 

Fen’an asked what he wanted to talk about looking back to him -- entangled in his thoughts, he had fallen back. “More about Dragons?” she added with a smile she had worn frequently the night before. She was mocking him, but somehow he found her playful waggery most alluring when it was directed to him and her smile to be contagious. “Though I  _ could of course  _ tell you more about the things I have heard about dragons, I thought to change the subject to one we have not discussed for a while --”, he paused for effect and the anticipation that rose within those eyes he looked directly in, “-- the anchor of course”, he finished with a tone matching her previous one, the smile still on his lips widening. 

“Excuse me for a moment” Fen’an vanished behind a shabby wooden paravant, that stood to the left side of her bed, seemingly functioning as an alternative to a door to the storage room behind, of which he could see only the archstones. He heard low sounds of buckles being opened, shoes being kicked away, so he moved a bit around and took in the room, that was bathed in the light coming from the open balconies around. Despite the open doors to the outside, it was not cold here -- Skyhold took care of its new owner. No decorations other than the Inquisition flag. On the wall were three old trophy-mounts, most likely a remnant from the previous occupants. Where typically a sword was placed, there was a simple old knotted branch of a tree, on the left, a simple river stone and on the right of it something curious. It was a drop of water and a snowflake hovering mid-air, frozen in time with a spell. Books were everywhere - on the fireplace in a row, on her table in stacks, on her drawer was a big foliant -- many bookmarks placed between the pages. Sorted notes with references to some of the books, written in elegant letters almost too small to read and the usual reports on the table. The bed was something unique. It was an interpretation of an elvhen-styled bed -- the modern elves had no use for beds of this kind within their aravels. Intricately carved strands of ivy, patterns of leaves and flowers ranked around the posts, the headboard depicted a stunning dimensional looking image of a forest within clearing, a halla grazing peacefully -- it was a masterwork. When Fen’an came out behind the wooden panel, changed to one of her usual, lighter outfits and saw him admiring the bed, he felt the heat rising up to his cheeks and ears, but thankfully she was already beaming her view to the bed “Isn’t it unbelievably gorgeous? It was a gift from Master Aeder, home-made within the walls of Skyhold. It is the most beautiful bed I have ever seen. “The people here love you, there is no doubt. It is a work of exceptional craftsmanship.” he said, relieved that she did not seem to have noticed his blush before -- otherwise he’d have earned another comment. 

“I hope you don’t mind if we take this outside?” With a gesture she directed him to one of the balconies. He followed wordlessly. The sun cast its warm beams of sunlight to her skin as she stepped outside, the silver in her hair gleaming as the strands danced in the light breeze. “Your question?” she asked, pulling him out of his contemplations. 

“Hm?” 

“You were here to talk about the anchor” she reminded him, he could see that his confusion amused her by the glint in her eyes and the almost invisibly shifting corners of the lips his thoughts had halted upon the moment before. 

“Yes right, the anchor.” he paused, studying the hand she held out to him, the hand with the cruel mark his orb had bestowed upon her. “What were you like before?” It was a question he had thought about more than often. “Has it affected you in any way? Your mind, your morals, your… spirit?” 

Fen’an was confused by the question. How should the anchor have affected her personality? 

“I don’t see how, but if it had, do you really think I’d have noticed?” She was not sure what Solas intended with the odd question.

“No. You are right, that’s an excellent point.” He seemed to be both relieved and disappointed with her answer. Fen’an knew she was relying too much on her senses, but oh how she wished she could just simply read the man -- it was so frustrating to not know what the other person intended without them. “Why do you ask?” Should she try reading his eyes again? 

“You show a wisdom...” he began, as she directed her gaze to the grey skies in his eyes, and stopped in that very moment, before he remembered to continue a few seconds later. “You show a wisdom I haven’t seen since… since my deepest journeys into the ancient memories of the Fade.” The clouds in the skies shifted in constant motion. “You are not what I expected.” It sounded as if this was a good as well as a bad thing. Always these two sides with him. What did he expect of her that he mentioned it specifically?  “What have I done that is so surprising to you?” 

“You have shown subtlety in your actions, a wisdom that goes against everything I expected. If the dalish could raise someone with a spirit like yours... have I misjudged them?”  So this was about the dalish? Her confusion about this talk increased, but she knew Solas had something on his mind, something more than idle talks about the dalish again. 

“The dalish didn’t make me like this, the decisions were mine.” Her gaze shifted to the stunning view of the mountains outside Skyhold while she watched some birds climbing the heights and swoop down again. 

“Yes, you are wise to give yourself that due. Although the dalish in their fashion, may have still guided you.”. Solas stood beside her, now both of them eying the bird’s display. 

“I don’t hold up the dalish as perfect, but we have something worth honoring, at least in my clan. A memory of ancient ways.” Fen’an smiled as she thought back to her childhood and all the patience Keeper Deshanna had shown. Solas seemed to be satisfied with the answer, though she still could not see where this was going. 

“Perhaps that is it. I suppose it must be and of course, your unique senses give you a different way of perception. Most people act with so little understanding of the world. But not you.” As Fen’an turned her head towards him, his eyes found hers again and she allowed herself to sink into them, watching the clouds transform for a moment before she spoke again. 

“Why talk about the dalish now? What does this mean, Solas?” 

When he opened his mouth to speak, the clouds were in wild turmoil. “It means I have not forgotten the kiss.” 

Fen'an took a deep breath in order to get over her surprise about this strange transition from the dalish to the kiss. She wanted nothing more than to savour the moment she waited long enough for, but there were still doubts lurking in the corners of those eyes, and she knew he could always back down again. She was not sure how to reply, she felt like stalking a wild halla, that could shoo away with every wrong movement. Taking too long with the answer would be a wrong movement as well and she was running out of time. “Good.” Just the one word left her mouth, the situation she found herself in, was almost comical and if this would not surely drive him away, she'd laugh about her own reaction. Doubts were on the way, she saw the clouds darken...

His heart skipped a beat upon her answer, danced for joy in the next moment, but the same time he knew, it was a big mistake. He stared into the bright sunny eyes of the woman that held his heart, but he would see the light in these eyes break sooner or later. He did not know how she always knew, but in the instant he thought about leaving, Fen’an caught his hand. “Don’t go again.”, her voice more a sigh than a whisper, the soft touch of her hand sending chills through his body made turning from her to an impossible task -- he had lost already. 

A hand rose to her face, “It would be kinder in the long run...", fingers ran through her hair, a thumb brushed lightly over her cheek, a sad smile flushed on his face for a second, a little headshake, then, something changed. “But losing you would…” his words, the timbre of his voice made her stomach tingle, his lips let the tingle turn into a sea of lightning, with a kiss so fiery at first as it was soft in the end.

A warm smile bloomed across her face, “Are you sure this time?” she teased, tracing from his ear to his jawline with her fingertip, halting at his chin. 

“I guess I deserve that.” his overacted sigh was diminished by the rising corners of his mouth. “Ar lath ma, vhenan”

Never had he spoken those words before, they were truer than his name and everything she knew about him -- she was his heart, his love -- and her eyes, his soul's home. 

“Just wanted to be sure you’re not going to run if I try this again, ma’lath.” With that and a little smirk, she pulled him into a kiss -- everything else was forgotten in an instant. 

  
  



	7. Armor

Corypheus was defeated, the orb lay broken to his feet, all the power, all its potential lost sealing the breach. Solas was devastated. His most auspicious plan to bring back the days of old, shattered with the orb. Failed again. At least the world was safe from Corypheus grip now, and he was free from the Inquisition -- his duty to this world fulfilled. It was time to leave and concentrate his efforts to finally accomplish what he knew he must do ever since he woke to this twisted world he had fabricated with the veil. He knew for long that his days with the Inquisition were numbered, but he had hoped for the orb to survive, planned to get his hands on it back at Skyhold, after he had time to talk to the Inquisitor one last time. But with the orb gone there was nothing for him but more pain back there, pain and a risk he would not take. Fen'an stood only a few paces away, a compassionate look in her all too beautiful eyes, as if she knew what the orb had meant to him. No joy for the victory in her features, just relief. "I am so sorry about the orb, Solas.", she said, her voice sombre and low, felt, as if she actually understood. Had he slipped again? Was she reading his emotions? Or was his face betraying him once again? She, who held his heart in a tight grip, who he cast away to be able to go on with his plans, stood there, love still glistening in her eyes, wanting to console _him_. When he looked at her, his heart filled with warmth and melancholy. It wasn't her fault that the breach had gathered so much power that closing it sucked the orb dry. She didn't deserve what he'd done to her. After the breakup she had been kind, the way she always was, no pushing, no nagging questions about reasons, as he'd have expected. She quietly accepted his choice and though he saw how hard it was for her, she did not let it show openly. 

"There is more, isn't there?" The Inquisitor knew him just too well. So many things he wanted to say in that moment. All he managed to get out, was "It wasn't planned this way" and "I want you to know... what he had was real." It was not enough, he wanted her to know, truly know, but when he made a move to ask her to stop for another moment before she went through the stone arch, the others were coming and had already called out to her. They were cheering, celebrating their victory. He would not take that moment from her, she earned it, all of them did. So he swallowed down the rising gloom, armored himself for one last glance of the one he would never forget. Standing in the arch above them, he took in her frame, the silver-white hair, her joyful laugh for one last time. She looked up and their eyes met, his beloved smile on her lips. His mental armor nearly crumbled when the suns shone bright on the mossy green ground and the seas horizons around the edges glimmered with the rest of the orb's magic, he wanted nothing more, than to go and celebrate with her -- or steal her away. Another claimed her attention, the shared gaze was broken and he was glad for it, for he did not find the strength to. Maybe he would see her again, but not here, in the waking world.

Solas turned away from the people he spent the last years with, away from his love, to trudge his solitary path, Fen'harel cast his spell and vanished out of sight. 

  
  
  
  



End file.
